Hello, Adventure-Raisers! Today I wanted to talk about being the TTRPG Friend, just to take a break from GenCon. Specifically, I want to talk about being the friend that gets someone unto TTRPGs.

The Aunties and Uncles

So naturally, the table composition is important if you’re going to be spending long hours with them every week, and doubly important if you’re bringing your little dragon with you. You may not want players who swear all the time to sit next to the baby, etc. And I don’t remember how many times I’ve stressed on this blog that you need an accommodating group if you are a TTRPG Parent. But most importantly, these folks are more than likely going to be your little dragons aunts and uncles. If they are your found family, they are your little dragon’s family.

In my experience, RPGs are the most fun when you play them with your best friends. The inside jokes take less effort, the funny voices are somehow enhanced by people who you know can’t hold the accent, and the atmosphere is more relaxed. Look at ALL the most popular podcasts out there, like Critical Role or Dimension20 – you can just see the bonds between those players like fairy lights. So, it stands to reason that Laura Bailey’s son probably knows who Matt Mercer is behind the scenes. I’ll hazard a guess he even calls him Uncle Matt. Am I wrong?

So, I’m not saying that you need to select your friends based on what they may or may not expose your baby to. I’m not saying you need to interview people for the privilege of sitting at your table next to the highchair, no. That’s… that’s a bit much, if we’re all being honest. But what I am saying is that, as a parent, exposing your child to healthy and respectful adult relationships is crucial. And if you spend long hours with a group of people and your son or daughter is going to be watching you interact with them, it stands to reason that you should take steps to demonstrate those healthy and respectful relationships… and the other players/GM should, too. Think of it this way: if we all want our original family to behave a certain way around our children, why not our found family as well? (And in my experience the found family is more likely to actually do it, just sayin’)

The Friend Hunt

Ok so… now for the topic of how to actually be the TTRPG friend, lol. As I mentioned in (Session 0), I was dating the TTRPG friend and he looped me in. Then, years later, I was successful (finally!) in looping in my now best friend, Valinda. So I can say that I’ve got experiences on both sides of this tug rope.

Firstly, I can say that coming into D&D as an adult I was skeptical. I attended a very nerdy engineering college and I had seen the globs of guys in the cafe, wearing home-made medieval hats and metal band shirts and shouting in bad German accents. I had heard them laughing, like fully belly laughs, but none of the jokes I caught made any darn sense. The whole thing, frankly, gave off a cult vibe with geeky icing. Add to that my petrifying stage fright and general low self-esteem and this whole thing just didn’t compute with me. So you can probably feel my dread when my boyfriend Orin asked me to hop into a game with him. He practically had to build Bim, my druid, for me, and to be honest I don’t think I started to like the game until the 5th session or so. No shade on our GM or anyone else, I just had to get… used to it. And look where we ended up! I wouldn’t trade this hobby for the world.

So, years later Valinda and I were starting to get close through work. At the time we both were employed by an entity that will remain nameless, but which was creating a hostile work environment. I was heavily pregnant and needed someone in the office to start venting to every day, and she struck me as someone levelheaded enough to give me unbiased advice. At the same time I a falling out with the woman who had been my best friend till that point. I was really beat up about it, but Valinda backed me up. She was there for me. So when the pressures at work started mounting, I started to think that she might want to join me and my college buddies (basically the table’s entire party at that time) for more fun stuff to let off steam. She thankfully agreed, but she was hesitant to jump in with both feet. We were playing an extra campaign in (Fate) and she said she wanted to be “the bleachers” and just watch us for a few weeks. Keeping in mind the culty image that I first had of these meetings, that made sense to me. We all agreed that she was welcome to just observe if that was her comfort level.

then she was friggin’ HOOKED, as expected… (cue cult music, I don’t know)

I can still remember sneaking glances over at her and seeing her grin widen when the story beats became clear. The way she turned her head in understanding when someone calculated their dice role. Or, the best part, when she piped up to remind the players of things we should have written down 2 sessions ago… Needless to say, we won her over within months and now she plays with us regularly.

And this was not why I invited her to the table, but it is worth noting that she was very supportive of my journey as a mother. A huge part of our friendship was forged in unwavering emotional support. Between work and our personal lives, we have endured more absurd situations together than a sitcom cast. That’s why we can play together, and it’s why I am happy to give Little Dragon a Nat20 aunt like Valinda.

Conclusion

Whether you are the friend being roped in or the friend holding the rope, be patient. I love that TTRPGs have become more mainstream and that a lot of the stigma has been removed, but it’s still not something we can force on anyone. The players who want to play will come, and they will be blessed by this hobby and all its wonderful benefits. Finally, if you take this approach, then your children will get to see what real adult friendships SHOULD be like – where the drama is intentional and fantastical.

Remember, you are not on this journey alone… your friends are probably trying to schedule the next session with you right now.