Hey, Adventure-Raisers! Content warning: This week’s post will be significantly less TTRPG themed. I’m going to focus a little more on the parenting/ real-world side today, if that’s alright with everyone? Feel free to let me know in the comments or DM me on FB or Tumblr, too.

Ok, so… this week was a bust. Tomorrow was supposed to be a new session for my team’s long-term campaign but that got canceled, the weather this week was supposed to be perfect but we had a thunderstorm warning, yada yada yada…and then my Little Green Dragon and I got sick. Not just sick, we got the world’s worst head cold in the history of mankind. I don’t remember being this sick since high school, when I had fevers in the 100s. Little Dragon fell just as hard as me, but the poor thing doesn’t talk yet so all he could do was wail with a sore throat. I was barely lucid enough to text my husband what was going on while he had to travel away for work. By the time that thunderstorm hit, Dire Wolf was terrified and whimpering, too. It felt like there was nothing I could do but lift my hands in a haze to hug them and listen to them cry, my puppy and my baby.

And I’m so ashamed that in that time, there were periods where all I could do was cry, too. I hate it. I hate it to my core. I hate that it took my hours to remember we stocked baby Vicks vapor rub, that he could drink milk instead of eating noodles with me. I hate that I had to sleep when he was awake even if he was safe in his playroom. I tell you all, in the moment and long after, it is so easy to beat yourself up and call yourself a failure because your baby cried. I kept wondering how much better my mother was at this than me, how much I was screwing up. (I do want to pause here to state very clearly, we are all fine. We’re in the “waterfall” phase of a head cold, but beyond that there’s been no harm done)

And you don’t dare go online to ask any questions or admit that you’re overwhelmed. No matter what you post, someone out there will have the opinion that you ARE the worst, that you made the WORST call possible. Jury by peers? Gosh, I’ve never been in a courtroom, but I hope it’s different from Judy by Facebook. Judgement Day is upon you the day you start posting on Reddit… It just seems like so many of us are locking ourselves in our Rapunzel towers because so many ugly trolls are guarding our bridges. And what’s the toll? Our sanity, trying to live up to a stranger’s expectations? Our dignity? Our humiliation when we “fail”? It’s not fair. And, goodness forbid, what if I start putting that pressure on my kids, too??? I’m terrified of doing that to Little Dragon. Suddenly it’s his fault he and I are sick and it’s my fault I can’t heal him with a magic spell and if I don’t do it under a ring light then no one will know and that means I’m a bad mom, right…? You see the spiral? WHY was I scared to ask for help when I needed it??? It’s a decent into the wrong kind of fantasy.

And I’m not breaking any new ground here, I know. I’m just trying to be honest. You, WE, are doing fine. It’s so hard to admit, but it is ok if the baby has a bad day once in a while, too…. it’s ok if you have a bad day. Or a few, really really sick days.

That’s what got me thinking about this week’s post. I want it to be clear to everyone, when I made the initial rule that there would be no politics here (See Session 0) I wasn’t trying to be stifling or hypocritical. I know you have your opinions, and you know what? That’s ok!!! I just… I want a place where YOU can all go to forget about the trolls. I want a place where YOU can all try to just have fun and enjoy the lifestyle we all share. Is an interactive website with that much respect a pie in the sky? Of course. But we won’t have a shot at an island like that until we ask for one. as for me, the moderator? I don’t like the trolls, but I don’t mind dealing with them if I know I’m building towards something better.

Remember, you’re not on this journey alone.

Enough with the heavy.

Next week, I promise, we’ll be back to the GecCon and TTRPG fun stuff! Here’s hoping the Lego D&D set is finished so that I can upload some great pictures for you! OOOOH, and I can’t wait to give a review of that module it came with, my friend Daggervan (chaotic neutral rogue, homebrewed “low elf” race… just, imagine a hillbilly version of Legolas with the FUNNIEST North Carolina accent you’ve ever heard) is DM-ing! AAAAAND, one last thing: I’m working with an artist to make some RollingWithRugrats t-shirts! I’ve never commissioned art before and I’m so excited!!!! My goal is to have a merch store up and running before the holidays. theoretically I’ll be modeling a shirt or 2 at GenCon, so if you see me, wave me down and say hi!